Making Marriage Last [part seven]

Never Be Accusatory or Disrespectful. "We continue to see thousands of men and women walk through our doors wanting out of a marriage. We hear every sad story imaginable. Most of these couples split up because times are bad and divorce seems like the next step. The truth is, in most cases things really are bad, and it’s easy to see why they want out. But what went on that led to their visit.

In most instances we’ve found that if couples had not been accusatory or disrespectful they could have worked things out. Instead, they react badly toward each other, and they overreact without taking the opportunity to find out what their spouse really meant. Most of their arguments were based on what they imagined their spouse was either saying or thinking. This led to angry, malicious person attacks that got in the way of any meaningful discussion and stymied any and all solutions."

There are at least a couple of teachings in the Bible that if followed can keep couples from being disrespectful and demeaning toward each other. Most of us would agree with the volatility such instances discussed above can create in relationships.

Lesson one. Paul says, "Be angry, and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your wrath" [Ephesians 4:26]. Sometimes we say things like, "Anger is a natural emotion." Or "Paul in this place is conceding that there’s a time and a place for certain kinds of anger." While I understand that logic, our interpretation of this statement must be in harmony with the context. Later in verse 31 Paul writes, "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor... be put away from you." So, the better interpretation concerning Paul’s teaching on anger is, rather than justifying anger, he’s directing us on how to deal with it when it arises in our hearts. First. "Do not sin." Second. This emotion must be controlled. Third. It can’t be allowed to manifest itself in any sinful way. Fourth. Rid yourself of this anger before the sun goes down. If couples would control their anger, and find calmness and agreement before nightfall, they would be [a] happier, and [b] not destroy the love and respect in their marriage.

Lesson two. Jesus said, "treat people the same way you want them to treat you..." [Matthew 7:12]. Do you want to be treated with honor and respect? Then please understand that this is a "positive rule." That is, you can’t live by this rule by doing nothing, and it’s not a rule that’s contingent on how other’s treat us. Jesus says we must always take the initiative and treat others with honor and respect because it’s right, and that’s the way we want to be treated. Apply this principle to the way you treat your spouse in all of life’s circumstances and see how that works for your relationship.